MADRID: Warm nights, massive mojitos and tons of tapas.....

PISCINES IN PARIS

Yes I have entered the world of the Parisian Piscine (Swimming Pool). And what a bizarre world it is.... firstly most of the pools are only 25 metres, and if they are 50 metres they may only have about 4 lanes. They also have the strangest opening hours (for example, 7 - 8am three mornings a week, 1 late night and some afternoons). To actually go to the pool during opening hours is somewhat of a miracle. And boy, are they crowded! Suits me though, I get to have a little rest at the end of each lap. Die-hard, like Kelly (Little Miss Iron woman), hate it though. She will only come to the pool if it is to teach someone.

But the most bizarre thing are the change rooms. In the pool near my house, you can put your stuff in these containers which spring open when you key in a pin. They are alternatively green or yellow and look like something out of 1984 (the book!). Wouldn't want anyone to have something different would we? But today took the cake: the pool near work looks like a prison. Seriously. But instead of cells its has single change rooms. Its like the prison scenes where there is a floor surrounded by 3 or 4 floors of cells (or change rooms) which look onto the floor.

And don't get me started on the piscine nazis... of course (its Paris what did you expect?) there are lots of rules including 1) you MUST take off your shoes, you MUST wear a bathing cap 3) you MUST wear budgie smugglers etc. etc. etc.

Its a wonder anyone actually goes. Not that it seems to help them improve their swimming, I feel like an Olympian when I go there, the French have some seriously awful strokes!

THE SANTE PHENOMENON

In Australia, while in the pub, you don't often see people saying "cheers" to one another and clinking glasses. Maybe when you all first sit down, but certainly not every time a new person arrives, or when another drink arrives.

However, here in Paris, its "cheers" or die. Although you say "sante" instead which literally means health. I like the idea that you are saluting your health just before you are about to destroy it with yet another drink. Parisians say that if you don't say "sante" with every new drink / person and look EVERY person DIRECTLY IN THE EYE then you will have 10 years of bad sex. Lots of you will know I have serious problems with direct eye contact, but even I'm not prepared to risk 10 years of bad sex! So when we go out for a drink, to a restaurant the number of times you "sante" everyone really adds up..... It's kinda like the kissing thing here. Imagine 10 people drinking over say 5 hours..... that's a lot of sante!

ONE SUGAR AT A TIME

Today is a big day for me: I am cutting down the number of sugars I have (note to non-English speakers: it is have not take) in my coffee from 2 to 1. I decided this yesterday after reading the hit diet book Amy lent me "Why French Women Don't Get Fat" which really is a bore but has some yummy sounding recipes included in it.

But after realising I had at least 6 coffees yesterday (yes, ok I was tired) which meant 12 sugars just from coffee alone, I decided it was time for a change. Those of you who have known me for a long time will know that I used to have 4 (yes 4) sugars in Nescafe, but then I drastically cut this to two. While in Australia, I would still have 4 sugars in a cappuccino (I really hate that bitter coffee taste). But here in France, where pretty much everything tastes better, I have been managing to drink cafes (that's short blacks to you) all the time. For some reason they are not so strong and bitter compared to Aussie coffee. And they pack a much stronger punch than Nescafe.

So far today I have forced down 2 cafes with only 1 sugar each.... so I'm very impressed! Lets see if I can keep it up (using manageable steps according to my book). And all this leads to my next installment which will be dedicated to the fact that, really, French women aren't fat.

FRANCE DECIDES

Well, as expected, last night at 8pm left wing Nicolas Sarkozy was announced the winner of France's Presidential election against Segolene Royal with 53% of the vote. I was at Gernot's house to celebrate the occasion..... but it was no celebration. The Frenchies there were devastated. Seriously. It was quite horrible really..... And I am still yet to meet a Frenchie who voted for Sarkozy, although there must be about 35 million of them somewhere...

And, as predicted, Paris did burn.... a little bit. Although according to international media, the whole city is in flames (see below picture). Its taken at Bastille which is a couple of blocks from my house.... although until I got an email from home I had no idea! Which just goes to show how the media can manipulate a situation.

So (for now) everything is ok, albeit the whole city is depressed (work was a nightmare today).... although it is tipped to get worse.

THE QUESTION CONSUMING FRANCE:

Who will win the Presidential elections? To be answered in approximately 32 hours....

According to one of my political advisers - Guillaume, if Sarksoy wins, Paris will burn! And he will take over France and it will become a dictatorship!

So its all very dramatic and I can't wait!

PS. To all those Varkers out there, you will be very impressed at my political know-how here!

SARKOSY vs. SEGOLENE

On May Day (1st May) we attempted to go to a rally that Segolene (one of the Presidential Candidates in the running for Sunday's election) was holding in one of the Parisian stadiums. I was interested to go, but mainly for the free French music on offer. Unfortunately, so was half of Paris and there was no way we were going to get in. People were resorting to jumping the fence. Its probably lucky that we didn't get in since Segolene spoke for an hour (in French). So after much debate we decided to retire to a nearby park to drink all the alcohol Kelly bought back from her euro trip. Here are some pics....

THE RULES: JAZZ CLUBS

Last night Mum, Dad, Dazza and some work friends went to see a free jazz jam session at one of Paris's famous jazz clubs, Le Baiser Sale (the Salty Kiss). I thought this would be a good thing to do as Dad loves jazz, and it was free! Bargain. Most of the nights at these places are upwards of 20 euros. I also thought it would give everyone a chance to chat and mingle.

How wrong was I. Firstly we got upstairs and a seating Nazi forced us all to squeeze along benches, behind little tables and generally get snugly. Then I was informed that even though the concert was free, it was obligatory to buy a drink. Ok no problem, we did that. But when the bill came, we also found out that there is a 7 euro extra special charge on every person's first drink, which meant the drink was 13.50 euros. Ouch! So much for a free concert!