ROUND 1: PARIS v. LONDON

Last weekend, Kelly and I 'did' The Dam. I had already done The Dam once before with my ultimate partner in crime, my brother Andy, but it had been a few years and I was ready for another shot. Besides, it was Kelly's (and also, weirdly, Andy's) birthday, which is why we were going. We were meeting there Kelly's best friend, Kat, and 2 of her friends, all Aussie chicks who live in London.

After about 1 hour, it became apparent who the Londoners were, and which of us were the vrai Parisians. The Londoners took about 3 hours (no kidding) to get ready to go out and brought with them about 4 weeks worth of clothes (that looked extremely bright and fresh, hip etc. when compared to our Parisian 'classic' staples).

The Parisians on the other hand, refused to go into bars which did not have empty seats (and yes, I know, when in Paris I always complain about the set-up of bars there - all seats, no mingling). The Londoners, however, wanted to hit the clubs and pretend that they had not even left the UK.

But the most tragic thing was when Kelly and I started speaking French (all complete rubbish of course) because we missed not understanding the language (ok, well Kelly understands most things, with me - its more words here and there) and the sound of French! When we jumped on the train home, it was filled with Frenchies, and we both sighed with relief and declared how glad we were that we lived in culturally rich Paris, rather then appearance-based, throwaway everything London. Imagine what the Londoners were thinking!
Paris 1: London 0

METRO ETIQUETTE

You would think catching the Metro in Paris would be a relatively simple thing. Its one of the best transport systems in the world. Buying tickets is easy, there are lots of maps and signs everywhere, and trains are frequent. But what you don't realise is that there are unspoken rules on how to be a commuter on the metro. So when you start catching it regularly (especially in peak hours) you realise that everyone on the metro acts like lemmings.... and I can't quite work out how everyone knows what to do. So here are a few important tips on Parisian metro etiquette that will make your trip more enjoyable.

1. When boarding the train, let everyone off first.

2. When the train is crowded, if you are sitting in the fold-down chairs in the doorways you must stand up.

3. DO NOT at any time touch ANYONE. This rule still applies (especially) in peak hour. Even if there are 80 people jammed in together (and I think this is the closest many Parisians get to other people considering many of them live alone) and you have to be an acrobat to reach something to which you can hold onto.

4. If you touch anyone, expect nasty Parisian glares. Or even abuse. I think they must teach Parisians how to give greasies in school because they are all particularly good at it.

5. Hold your ground in the face of nasty Parisian glares.

6. Abuse them in English if they continue the nasty Parisian glares cause it makes you feel better.

7. If people are still pissing you off, start smiling and chuckling.... they will think you are crazy and give you a wide berth!

MY BIG LITTLE SISTER....OOPS! I MEANT BROTHER!

Isn't (s)he adorable? My what lovely locks you have!
Happy birthday for Thursday Andy!

FRENCH FIDELITY

Recently INSERM (a French research body) published a survey of 12,000 Frenchies investigating their sexual exploits. Participants ranged between 18 and 69 and were asked a series of questions. My personal favourite statistic was that only 3% of French women an 4% of French men were unfaithful to their partner of more than 1 year (co-habitating). 3 - 4%!!! You have got to be kidding me! In this, the country that invented mistresses and infidelity!

So today I took it upon myself to do my own survey of French vs. Internationals (mainly Germans) on
a) whether they thought the INSERM statistic was true
b) what % they thought was the real statistic (if it differed from the INSERM one).

Well, as I thought the results were not surprising from the foreigners. They all thought (sample size of 4 - good statistics I know) that the INSERM results was a pack of lies and that the average cheating % was approximate 20%.

In contrast, the Frenchies (sample size 2) thought that the INSERM result was totally correct and that French people in dedicated relationships don't sleep around. However, after a few beers, another opinion (sample size 2) revealed itself - basically agreeing with the foreigners.

I have to say I was very disappointed in these so-called "real" statistics, because when I arrived in France I thought that all French people slept around, any guy who was anyone had a mistress, and that seduction was the name of the game (even if you were married). But alas, according to the (totally honest - of course) Frenchies, they are a pack of faithful, relationship loving Frogs.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY

Ok well I have had a request to explain why I am the worst / dumbest scientist in France... so here goes. I had been trying to conduct a (relatively) simple experiment that I needed to do in order to proceed with my project. I had done this protocol multiple times in Australia without any problems. But do you think I could get it to work in France? Of course not.

So after about 3 weeks of repeating the experiment, consulting half the lab (and admitting how crap I was at science in the process), Guy (my supervisor) asks me what type of water was I using? "The special, sterilised, double filtered milliQ water of course" I replied. "The water with H2O Q written on the label".

Apparently it turns out that the Q does not stand for milliQ water (which is double distilled water - nice and clean for experiments), but that the Q was actually the Greek symbol phi (??? don't worry I had never heard of it either), and that phi (only in France) means physiological water..... which basically means it has salt in it. Of course, salt is the exact thing that inhibits the experiment I was trying to do!

So now there are two morals of this story
1. The famous Pasteur Institute does not have double filtered distilled, nice and clean water on hand.
2. Know your Greek alphabet!

P.S. My experiment worked now I am using just plain old H2O

OH HOW WE WARMED MY HOUSE!

Last night was my housewarming party. I think it was pretty cool, all the ingredients for a good party were there - dancing, debauchery and some great Aussie touches - lamingtons, sausage rolls, honey joys and punch (the hit of the party!). Here are some photos from last night.....

The hostesses with the mostess!


Professor Jost surveys the scene



This look is called Blue Steel



The happy couple......


Gernot - the new Michael Jackson!

Swedish Dan and me

Yes Valentin - you look very adorable!


Bold and the Beautiful all over....

BREAKING NEWS

I am not the worst scientist in France.... just the dumbest!

NEWS FLASH

I am the worst scientist in France!

PARISIANS TAKE NOTE: LESSON 101 on HOW TO BEHAVE AT MUSIC CONCERTS

On Sunday night I took my Aussie chick crew (consisting of myself, Amy and Kelly) to see Lily Allen (go to http://www.myspace.com/lillyallen to check her out). This was my first Parisian concert so I was very excited to see how it would go, and more importantly, to see if the Parisians let their hair down (an unusual event in Paris).

We arrived to the horrible sounds of the support band Onili..... if you have never heard of them you are lucky. With an off-key female singer who looked like she practiced her moves in front of the mirror with a hairbrush, they were not a good start. After she started gyrating around the stage while doing air guitar, and rubbing herself up against her bass player, we decided that Lilly Allen must have chosen this band to make herself look good. We saw one french girl text her friend "le premier parti est tres mediocre" and I think that sums it up pretty nicely.

During the break I practiced my special skill (pushing to the front of packed crowds) so we could have a good view of the diminutive star. Lilly had a great band with 3 horns (who moved in time, so cute) a DJ, drummer and a couple of guitarists. She looked super cute, very bouncy (just like me Kelly said) and had a (surprisingly) great voice. And yes, she was wearing a dress with sneakers (we think).

With minimal banter (good) she belted out song after song, however I think she could have tried to hype the crowd up a little more. Yes, the Parisian crowd sucked. I was definitely the most hyper person there. Sadly the crowd responded best to a cover she did..... poor form.

So onto my lesson for today: When at music concerts MOVE. Shake your hips, shoulders, tap your feet, nod your head.... better still jump up and down, dance, scream and wave your hands..... but for gods sake.... YOU ARE NOT A STATUE!!!! Trust me, you will have much more fun. A bientot.