FRENCH KISSING.....

Now everybody likes a bit of French kissing..... however upon your arrival in this most romantic of countries, prepare to be overwhelmed, freaked out and a little grossed out by all the kissing here. You need to know a few rules prior to arriving which will help you meld into the most difficult of social situations (unless you are really drunk then you won't care about melding....)

1. Everyone who has already met (guys and girls) kiss each other hello. No handshaking. Yes this means that if you are a guy you will be kissing other guys. Get used to it. It doesn't mean you are gay (most of the time).

2. Kissing goes from your left (once) to your right (once). And the kisses are not slobbery offerings (yes Dazza, take note). They are more like air kisses near the offered cheek (make the "mwa" sound and you're getting closer....)

3. When a girl meets anyone (boy or girl) you ALWAYS kiss hello. No handshaking. I myself have been caught out by this many times already, I put out my hand and the other person grabs it awkwardly and goes in for the kiss anyway. At this party last weekend I spent half the night kissing strangers when they entered the apartment.

4. When a boy meets a girl, he kisses her. And when he meets a boy for the first time, they shake hands. For subsequent meetings, see #1

5. When leaving you kiss EVERYONE even if you didn't kiss at the start.

6. You kiss all sorts of people you wouldn't expect..... my boss (so weird, I could NEVER imagine kissing Brendan, my old boss!), a security guard that I spoke to for 2 minutes etc.

7. Kissing takes time, but don't worry I have never seen a Frenchie in a hurry.

8. Kissing is the reason why I have been sick since Christmas - it spreads germs. So either you choose to face the wrath of an insulted Frenchie, or you choose to inhale all their germs (take note, option 1 is social suicide). You decide....